Bee in the Bonnet: ALMIGHTY? – Part one

By B.H. Bates

Ignorance, is the only thing that’s standing between mankind’s future and mankind’s demise. And I have proof that will convince you to bend over and kiss your holy – goodbye!
History will repeat itself, for a very simple, and may I say an avoidable, reason. And that reason is organized religion – plain and simple! Religion makes sense of that stupid saying: “Stupid is, as stupid does.” Individually, in general, people are reasonably peaceful, intelligent and rational creatures. But, if you take a group of these fine people, who’s collective IQ’s would normally reach well into the thousands, and you put a cross waving lunatic or a crazed Cleric in front of them, they become mindless robots capable of atrocities beyond comprehension.

“My God, is bigger than your god damned God!” Fighting amongst religions, is nothing more than a big pissing contest. They all claim to be the ‘one’ true path to things like salvation, divinity and morality. Even going so far as to offer the mindless masses outrageous things like, immortality and virgins, if they’ll only kill or be killed in the name of their particular God. In this day and age – can you believe it?

Can you believe that this sort of thing has plagued mankind since biblical times? Well, as I mentioned: history will repeat itself …again! There is however one thing that will save this planet and all of it’s inhabitants and that thing is: “My God!”

Yes, it’s true! You too can be saved by simply picking up your phone and calling; 1-800-GREAT SPIRIT! Or by logging onto our website; www.sendmeallofyourwampum.twit. For a small monthly fee the Great Spirit will tell you; How to live your life. Which person to vote for. Whom to love and as an added bonus, if you call right now, we’ll promise that you’ll get fewer cavities as well!

In the past the North American Natives, were thought to be nothing more than ignorant heathens. In the future, history will prove that Natives were the ones who had it right all along. Natives lived a relatively peaceful existence: other than a few trespassing disputes, they happily ate, slept, pooped and reproduced: just as mother nature had intended. The Great Spirit, wasn’t, and isn’t, like any of the manmade gods. First, it’s not a god, in the biblical sense of the word, the Great Spirit, has no long flowing beard nor a face to put it on. It’s in everything; your spirit, my spirit, a flower’s spirit, from the rocks you stand on to the stars you stand in awe of … it’s all encompassing!
The Great Spirit wouldn’t send you to ‘hell’ if you were to rape and kill someone. Going to some imaginary place, would be much preferred, considering what your own tribe would do to you for such an offence. Think more along the lines of: An eye for an eye. The only real laws were the laws of nature. An example of this would be: If you crap in your own backyard, you have no one to blame but yourself when you step in it.
Natives had no priests, dressed in black, to tell them scary holy ghost stories. No nuns, none, zip, nada, only their own sense of right and wrong. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we should completely eradicate the word ‘god.’ After all, what would women scream, just prior to an orgasm? What would men curse, after they’ve whacked their thumb with a hammer? We could use it for educational purposes too; “Little Johnny, stop playing with that, or god will strike you blind!” We could also use it to warn future generations, who may try to organize a cult of brainwashed, dehumanized fanatics. Which brings to mind the response a Native elder gave, after he was asked: “Chief, you are now an old man, who has observed the Whiteman with all of his many inventions. How have things improved for you and your people?” After a moment of silent contemplation, the old Native replied: “Before you people came to this land, we hunted and fished as we pleased, we owed nothing to no one and the woman did all the work, and you thought you could improve upon that?”

Yep! Good ol’ North America was once clean, pristine and serene – then in walked those arrogant Christians, wearing their muddy sandals, and then they unceremoniously stuck a cross right into the heart of Native culture. They claimed to have a better way. And be ‘damned’ if they weren’t going to save those heathens from all that freedom of will and wide open spaces. So what did they do? They imprisoned the Natives in strict residential schools that taught things like theology, astrology, geography and of course the missionary position.
Ironically, through traditional songs and dance, we’d already been enlightened about spirituality, the movement of the stars, stewardship of the land and of course intercourse. And therein lays the answer to all of mankind’s problems.

Mankind’s salvation will have to be earned – through the understanding of such things; Finding our own spirituality within ourselves and not in some unseen, fictional deity. Looking up to the vastness of space, will help us realize that some imagined Earth bound entity didn’t, doesn’t or can’t control our destiny. If we humans unite and care for this planet, like it has cared for us, we will find balance and harmony. And finally to the subject of sex, it should be treated like fire: Something that can warm your heart or burn your ass!

In the opening paragraph of this bit of ‘wit-literature,’ I proclaimed to have proof that would convince you to lay down the swords of fictitious faith. We’ve all seen those programs on Sunday morning television, where some religious pitchman, who’s usually dressed in white, waves the good book at you and insists that the lord needs your hard earned money. Does the evangelist ask you to make the cheque payable to: God, on Cloud # 9, Heaven City? No, of course not! He asks his (soon to be fleeced) flock to send their money to: I.M. Rich, #1, Suckersville

(To be continued in next months edition.)

Please feel free to contact B. H. Bates at: