Bee in the Bonnet: What Do You Call a Female Dog?

by Bernie Bates

As my old Pappy, used to say: “Some folks would bitch if they were hung with a used rope!”  I know some folks who’ll swear it’s black, if I were to say it’s white.  Up, if I said down, inny, outy … you too, probably know someone like this, am I right or am I wrong?

As a writer and humorist, I feel it’s my duty to poke fun at those who think their poop doesn’t stink or those who stand on the proverbial soap box and spout off to the rest of us;  “Do as I do!”  Give me a break – we all have our own lives to live, our own way of doing things, our own free will.  Now I’m not saying we should drive on the wrong side of the road, just to prove a point.  If we dance a little funny, big frigin’ deal!  As they say: “He dances to the beat of a different drummer.”  And who knows drums, better than a Native?         

I’m constantly bombarded, beat-up and berated for the subjects I choose to write about.  I think it was Chief Frustrated Bull, who said:  “You can please some of the tribe some of the time, but you can’t please all the tribe all the time.”  I sometimes write about the big white elephant in the room – you know – the criminal injustice system, the political liars club or how catholic priests make the best baby-sitters.  You’d think I’d hear; “Way to go.” “Right on, brother.” and “Keep up the good work,” from 99% of those who read my wit-lit, but … Oh, no!  I get it from the other 1%, who’d complain, even if I were to point a finger at a child molester, who lied to his constituents, who elected him to the school board!

I think it’s just in the nature of some humans, to complain, disagree and do the complete opposite of what’s proposed.  One of my first memories of the phenomena – was as a child.  I got beat-up at school and my teacher said, “What did you do?”  I was not only stunned, I was bleeding and I couldn’t believe my ears – so I got mad at her and started to walk away, it was then that she grabbed me and sat me in the corner of the room to: “Think about what I did!”  What the hell?  Now, I don’t mean to give female dogs a bad name, but, what a ‘bitch!’  Right to this very day I hate to hear of an injustice, in any form!

The old adage: the squeaky wheel gets all the attention.  This is so true in today’s society, for example, if some malcontent complains about the graffiti at the local skateboard park … huff!  This person probably never goes there, yet city hall votes to clean it up – to the tune of ten thousand hard earned tax dollars.  Whereas, it would be so much cheaper just to tell the malcontent: “Ah, shut up!”  Or better yet, hand that person a paint brush.  Or even better yet, hand the kids at the skate park paint brushes and the address of the complainant, HA!

… I don’t mean to second guess the wise ones in the big teepee, but, why should the jerks who prey upon the law abiding, seem to have more rights than the poor little old lady who got robbed and knocked to the ground?  It sickens me to think that less than one percent of the population has the rest of us cowering behind locked doors.  It doesn’t make sense, it should be the other way around, right?  “But, the law is the law.  It’s the same for everyone.”  So says the Chiefs of justice and all the lawyers who make a living from crime. 

If a person is stupid enough to lose their sense of right and wrong, lose their common sense, lose their good judgment and their fear of consequence – they should also lose their rights and freedoms.  If you drink and drive, BANG, POW, BOOM – you lose your driving licence, right there and now – period!  If you steal, society should take everything you own and give away.  If you leer at little girls, you should have your … well you get my drift.

How much do you want to bet, some twit will write to me and complain about this common sense approach to justice.  I can hear them barking already!  Yap, yap, yap growl, grumble, bitch, bitch, bitch!


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