By B.H. Bates
What do these three things have in common: A let-go balloon, the weather and the person standing next to me, waiting in a lineup? You’re a smart cookie if you said, unpredictable. How about these three: exasperating, whimsical, and the person standing next to me, waiting in a lineup? If you answered: weather. Give yourself twenty bucks out of petty cash.
I love people of all shapes and sizes, colors and creeds and I care not of a person’s station in life – I’ll talk to anyone. And I guess folks can read that kind of openness in my mannerisms. And as stated, I’m a people person; but, why is it, that I attract people who spontaneously burst into conversation with statements like: “Hot enough for ya?”
Just once I’d like to have the person standing in line with me, say: “Do you think that global warming has any correlation with the temperature of today?” or “What interesting stratus cloud formations – wouldn’t you say?” or “Wow, you’re a damned handsome man.” But, that kind of thing just never happens – pity.
Nope; I always seem to stand in a lineup next to some yahoo with a t-shirt that reads: I’m with stupid! “Hot enough for ya? My wife has a t-shirt just like this’un. We ain’t from these parts; does it always get this hot in the summer time? Does it cool down at night after the sun goes down? My name is Burford, what’s yer name, fella? Hey, where ya going?.”
And because I’m an approachable, happy-go-lucky type person, in addition to being a Native person – I get blamed for the damnedest things. An example would be; if it were to rain for more than three days in a row, I’d get: “Hey Chief, you can stop that rain dancing anytime, now.” The same thing applies with sun dancing, snow, cold, hail, sleet, land slides, forest fires, earthquakes and unforeseen pregnancies. Oh, but, only if it were true – I’d dance my heart out and it would forever be one long, hot, beautiful summer.
I’ve always been a boy of summer; give me hot dry days with warm evenings, anytime. And as equally, I’m sure there are those who yearn for the crisp air of an early Autumn morning, ski bums who ache for snowflakes and let’s not forget those budding nuts of spring. But, summer has always put a smile on my face. Even though, being a person of Native heritage, who has a year round tan; I still worship the great sun spirit, who turns my skin the color of my chestnut eyes. My wife, who is of English heritage, finds this to be an unfair ancestral advantage. As I slowly get browner and browner she gets redder and redder, then she begins to peel like an albino serpent on a barbecue.
It’s finally time to hit the beaches, swimming holes and cool pools. Time to lose last winters fat, so we can fit into those itty-bitty poke-a-dotted banana hammocks. And if you’ve been to the shore lately, you’re aware of the trend; less is more. The less you wear, the more people become aware of you and vise versa, the more junk you have in your trunk the less you want to be noticed. For women, the cruel word is; cellulite and for men it’s man-boobs.
Then there are those who couldn’t give a damned what’s hanging out. Some of them even seem to revel in their revealing, wallow in their wobble and are shamelessly, shameless. I say, good for them; screw the taunt little anorexic-like, cheese burger deprived showoffs. Incidently, have you ever noticed that the brazenly buoyant, babes and boys; always seem to have a drink in their chubby little mitts? Could a cool brew be the reason behind their cavalier, here’s my rear, attitude?
And summer is all about attitude; a time to shine, a time to lift your chin and get some sun on your neck. Get out of the house, go for a walk, spend some quality time on the deck with family and friends. Take a drive into the hills with your sweety-pie and do a little star gazing – I’ll do a little dance so you’ll have a cloudless night – enjoy!
THE END
Dear reader: Please feel free to contact, B. H. Bates at: beeinthebonnet@shaw.ca
