Bee in the Bonnet: And The Wheels Go Round

By Bernie Bates

As the seasons come and go, so too, do my words to you. When spring arrives I flower my lyrics of wit and when Santa asks if you’ve been naughty or nice – here you’ll find me with my: Ho, ho, ho!

Well, my loyal legions of happy readers; tis’ the season for driving. All too soon the highways will be clogged with fools who drive like they own the road. Where in reality, the only ones who can truly use that statement: are us Natives.

Roads are like your veins; they carry life to every driveway and byway across this vast land. And like anything that’s communal, for instance, a watering hole or a campfire – it’s ill-mannered to pee in it!

Today there are automobiles that are filled with technology – but the drivers themselves remain much the same. Well, somewhat the same. There are really young drivers and really old drivers and both are as dangerous as a rattle snake in your underwear – you just never know when one of them is going to bit you in the backseat.

I feel the government is on the right track with the graduated approach to a person’s drivers license. But I think they should take it one step further. Use today’s technologies to create safer drivers in the future. Slap an anonymous computer and camera behind the rearview-mirror of every car to monitor a driver’s abilities. If a person proves that they can handle a vehicle safely – then they should be advanced to the next level.

An example would be; if a person proves to be an attentive and mentally stable driver – he or she should be allowed to travel down the road at five kilometers over posted speed limits. And on the opposite side of the coin are the crappy drivers. Who, for example: run yellow lights, misuse the passing lanes or take up two parking spaces at Wal-mart. These people must be held liable to higher insurance rates, fines or have electronic ‘Bark collar’ devices imbedded in the center of the driver’s seats.

Our genders are not only physically built differently – we also think differently. Here’s is an example of what I mean: if a man steps on a dog’s duty he’ll exclaim, “Ah, Daren’t!” Then he’ll lift his foot ‘forward’ to see the pooch-poop. If a woman steps on a terrier’s turd she’ll say, “Oh, darn it!” Then she’ll lift her foot ‘backwards’ and look over her shoulder to behold her soiled sole.

Who makes the better driver? Men or women? I think it’s about time someone talked about the pink elephant in the room. I’m going to be speaking in general terms – and when one does that – there will always be exceptions to the rule.

With that said; women, in general, are thinkers, therefore they are predisposed to be more emotional than their male counterparts. This is a proven genetic trait that shows up in every-day events – including the driving of a motor vehicle. Men on the other hand are historically the builders and engineers of our societies. Darwinism, through natural selection, has put weapons and hammers in the hands of men. Therefore, for the most part, men dominate the elite in our armed forces, building sights and race tracks.

These are statistically factual occurrences in the general population, and are not meant to demean the abilities of crazy drivers or females.

Just like every coin has two sides. Speaking in generalizations; women tend to be more analytical and cautious in their movements. Whereas men tend to shoot now – and ask questions later. This type of personality is more apt to outrage, road-rage and a child’s age mentality.

Men may have the ability and skills to be excellent drivers, but they also have little or no tolerance for lesser, slower drivers. Add to that the competitive nature of the ‘hairy beast’, and you have a recipe for metal-ripping carnage or at the very least foul mouthed follies followed by finger flicking.

Presented with all of these facts: do you think women should have their own driving lanes?


Bernie Bates is a writer and an artist Email him at: