Bee in the Bonnet: Things that burn my buns

By Bernie Bates

Maybe it’s because I’m getting older; but my butt gets burned quit easily these days. I have little time to suffer fools nor the patience to bite my tongue when I see the cart of ignorance before the horse of common sense. So I’d like to vent some of these annoying, pesky, problems and see if you agree with my nice and naughty list.

While on the subject of naughty and nice. Is it me or is the Christmas season getting longer? Around the first week of October I start to notice commercials advertising children’s toys. It makes me question just how long it will be before we’re celebrating the holy season of: Thanksgiving/ Halloween/ Joyous Noel?

While on the subject of commercialism and children. There is a program that parades half naked toddlers around with makeup, wigs and little padded boobies. The mothers of these innocent kids call it a beauty pageant. But pedophiles everywhere are calling it must see TV.

Speaking of kids; what the hell? They’re getting smarter with every generation, wouldn’t you agree?

Speaking of what the hell. Why is that disgraced preacher Jim Bakker allowed back on TV? And he’s not the only unholy pitchman on the airwaves. Do you remember Peter Popoff? He was caught with a wireless microphone in his ear that was sending him information about the suckers in the audience. Anyone who prays upon the elderly, gullible or the addlebrained is the one who’s sick.

While I’m venting about jerks who ripoff the elderly. With today’s technology why can’t the phone companies and the dot-com providers track down these thieves and hack off their ring fingers? If some hacker were to attack a bank or some other large institution – it isn’t long before you hear that they were caught and punished to the full extent of the law.

While I’m on the subject of punishment. Why do rich people get away with things like rape while poor folks simply get screwed? The injustice system in Canada seems to caters to the rich and powerful just like we were a third world country. Here’s an example of what can happen to you; let’s say you grew a few plants for medicinal purposes; you could get six months to fourteen years in prison. On the other hand if you can afford a good lawyer you could kill thy neighbor and be out in time to see your baby’s first day of school.

And don’t get me started on school and the golden rule. Bullies are just apart of growing up, right? Bull-crap! Being a Native person I’ve felt the sting of bullying first hand. Luckily, I was a strong-willed person. I’ve seen others who didn’t fair so well. Some became alcoholics, some became withdrawn while others became contemptible bullies themselves.

While I’m on the line about things that ring my bell. Why do people who leave a message on your machine – rattle off their number faster than the speed of poop through a goose?

Another bun burner is trying to get answers from a 1-800 call center. “Hello, my name is Frank. How may I help you?” To which I said, “what did you say?” The first thing I’d like you to understand is that I don’t care what nationality a person is. But, frankly, I couldn’t understand Frank. So I asked Frank where in the world he was? “India”, he replied. As I said, I don’t care where you come from or what color your skin is. What I do care about is companies who send jobs over seas. I no longer deal with that company nor do Frank and I communicate anymore. I now shop locally.

While I’m on a tangent and speaking of shopping. If you happen to own one of those massive trucks with those huge tires; you should learn how to park it, jackass. I hate getting back to the parking lot only to find some meat-head has parked his behemoth 4×4 two inches away from my car door.

Wow, it feels good to get this out of my system. I think I’ll call Frank and tell him that I’m experiencing an deluging of remorsefulness pertaining to our quibble. I hope he understands what I’m saying!