Topic: Bernie Bates – Bee in the Bonnet

Let’s Rock and Roll

rocknroll

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. This theory also applies to human interactions. I like to think of us as little asteroids floating along bumping, grinding, rocking and rolling.

You just never know who you are going to bump into. It could be a happy happenstance or an Earth shattering occurrence.

Some asteroids are fast, some are bigger and some are hot. But we’re all basically heading in the same direction.

Imagine that even a small nudge, in the form of a small smile, could make a world of difference. Your smile or frown could make or break someone’s day.

From that moment on that person heads off in a different trajectory – and who knows who they’ll interject with.

Envision that one day you cross paths with someone who’s in a cross mood. Your smile and kind eyes could change that person’s attitude.

Somewhere in the future – in this scenario – that person stops and allows a small child to cross the street safely. Then that same little girl grows up and invents a Viagra for women. And in doing so, she will pass along many happy endings.

And it could have all started with your smile.

I think you’re smiling right now.

Young asteroids tend to bump into a lot of hot asteroids on their journey. Then one day they bump into that special rock and they begin to orbit together. Soon after that they begin to have little pebbles as they glide through life.

Some asteroids gather huge swarms around them until they become as big as planets. These lucky duckies have bonds that will last them a lifetime and in some cases they are admired for an eternity.

While other asteroids will change their trajectory by as little as a millionth of a degree – but over time they just drift away.

Coming together like red hot shooting stars and giving off sparks is lots of fun, but you have to look at the big picture.

Ask yourself this; how am I effecting this other person? A more important question might be, where am I going?

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A young man walked up to me in the bar, he explained that he was celebrating his thirtieth birthday. Then he asked me, as an older man, what would I do differently, if I had to start over again at thirty?

I told him to live for himself – and if by chance some heavenly body comes along for the ride – then all the better.

Ain’t love great in the grand scheme of things?

But for every up there is a down.

I dislike feeling down and people who are downers; you know these poop disturbing, balloon popping, nose pickers. It would seem that every office, organization and government posting is issued one.

So if by chance you’re feeling a little too good about your self, try getting a straight answer to one of society’s many problems.

Get in touch with any level of public authority and ask them the five ‘W’ s (what, where, when, why and who) about whatever bee is in your bonnet.

I guarantee you’ll get 1-800 – numbers and the five ‘I’ s. Ignore, implicate, idiocy, impunity and “I didn’t do it!”

Speaking of ‘I’s. I hope this bit of wit has changed you for the better. I hope you pass along a smile, a grin or maybe you could let a child cross the road safely.

THE END

RISE OF THE HIGH-BREDS

How many times have you heard someone jokingly say, “I hate skinny people”? For some people this is a weighty issue – no ifs, ands or big, wide butts, about it!

breds

“Oh, to be young again,” we cry out from just over the hill. I’ve always been a people person and also a people watcher. Being a male I tend to notice the apposite sex, and I think I’ve noticed an evolution taking place. I call them: high-breds.

And it’s not just the ladies either, men too, care more about their appearance these days. I think it all started with Elvis. He was one of the first celebrity high-breds. He was so good looking he made women faint with a mere glance and a curl of his lip. But like all things; time changes all and all too soon the bloom leaves the rose.

Every day we see the pretty people prance by with their bouncy hair, puckered puss’ and yoga pants. But the real show starts on Saturday night. That’s when the high-breds brandish their high heels, hundred dollar hair cuts and five percent body fat. These polished people don’t come cheap – even when they’re trying to look cheap. Two hundred dollar ripped and faded jeans with tops that are barely there and underwear that costs more than some people’s paychecks. Then there’s the ‘must haves’ such as Jimmy Choo shoes, Gucci handbags and diamond encrusted telephones. To no ones surprise these beads and trinkets cost more than the house you’re sitting in.

Today when people say, ” you look like a million bucks.” In some cases it could be true.

I’d like to thank Calvin Klein for pushing the boundaries up, up and away. The advertising game is a big part of why we now have high-breds. The ideal women/men are on every magazine rack, TV commercial and movie screen. With whiter than white teeth, chiseled looks and six-pack abs – they are what we strive to be like.

Women tend to date tall, handsome men and men date pretty and perky women. Inadvertently, advertising may have programed us into a breeding program. I’m as sure of this, as Darwin was about his finches. Eventually – if the course holds true – women will become leggy, top heavy blondes and men too will have the hole package. Considering that evolution takes the best and discards the rest – combined with the fact the we’re now living in a global community – I would imagine that the best traits of one race will mix with the best traits of other races.

My imagination runs wild when I think of what people will look like in the future.

These new people will be smarter, leaner and live longer. They won’t have politics, instead they’ll hold a beauty pageant and crown Miss/Mr. universe. McDonald’s will go vegan and a pimple will be cause enough for a medical intervention. I also predict that the prettier you are the less items will cost and you’ll also receive preferred service.

What am I saying? That type of thing is already happening. It’s an unspoken truth that the better looking a person is the better they’re treated. They get more gratuities and fewer speeding tickets. I know it’s unfair, but I’ve just learned to live with it.
After all, even beauty has an expiration date. Everyone has their glory days; a time when they peak and bloom. It’s only after this phase of their life, does a person’s true beauty shine through.

Beauty is like a mountain. It would be wise to be kind to people on your way up, because you’ll meet them again… just over the hill.

THE END

What Do Women Want?

WOMEN-WANT

Half of you readers may think you know what women want. Is it a nice dinner out, flowers and candy? Are women made of sugar and spice and everything nice? These questions and many others have been asked throughout human history in the hopes of discovering what women want. To date; humanity has come up with nothing, nil and nada

Just consider the amount of time that has been spent on answering that one question. It really wouldn’t surprised me if aliens traveled across the cosmos in quest of that very answer. Generation after generation and countless man hours have been spent in the doghouse pondering; what the hell? Even the brightest minds with super-computers and modern day technology can’t come up with a viable theory to explain womanhood. We know more about space than the depths of a woman’s soul.

Don’t think for a second that it’s only men who are working on this monumental project. Women, too have tried in vain. Unfortunately they too failed to unlock the mystery of the female mind, heart and soul – zip, zero, zilch. That makes me theorize: there is no real answer. It’s like trying to draw a picture of air – you know it’s there – but you can never grasp it. In essence, it’s an essence. Try to figure that one out.

Can you imagine the frustration we poor misunderstood men must suffer. Considering the complexities of a woman’s mind, mood or mental malady? Women themselves don’t even know the answers. Yet men are always painted as the bad guys, whenever we forget something like birthdays, anniversaries or what to get for Christmas? Not to say that men are stupid, but the male Homo erectus, is a simple creature with simple needs. Just feed us, let us play with our toys, your toys – and we’re happy puppies – no big mystery.

Men and women handle life’s moments much differently. Instinctually, men are reactionary beasts, whereas women tend to be the emotional thinkers. Most men will take or give a beating – at some point in their life – then walk away and let it lie. Most women, who’ve had a spat, will examine that tiff from every angle, and fifty years later they’ll remember the exact date, time and that it rained slightly that spring morning. Men have problems remembering what they had for lunch last week.

It is said that if you don’t learn from the past, history will repeat itself. So you’d think that men would’ve learned; that a mad woman is always right, sex is a privilege not a right and put the damned the seat down on the toilet. But it’s not only the fault of men. It’s a proven fact that the weather in Alberta can change very quickly, but not as rapidly as a lady’s prerogative. This all gives credence to my theory: there is no real answer to what women want. Again, it’s like the weather and as stable as a cloud in the sky – the answer my friends is blowing in the wind.

To try and prove my theory, let’s do a little experiment. I’d like you, your spouse and your friends to write down on a piece of paper, a paragraph on what you think women want; then exchange them. I’ll wager that the answers will be like snowflakes and women – no two will be exactly the same.