Bee in the Bonnet: ALMIGHTY? – Part two

By B.H. Bates

He, his wife and mistress all live in the lap of luxury, they fly around in private jets, own several mansions, drive the newest bullet-proof cars and eat the finest foods that their chefs can create. And what about the little old lady who has sent him her last few dollars? I’d like you to imagine her sitting patiently, waiting for him to deliver the miracle that she has prayed and paid for. Unfortunately, there she’ll sit, in her hot little mobile home, until death mercifully brings her relief.

Ask yourself this: Does he even know or care about her? You know the deplorable answer to this question: don’t you? This so called, righteous communicator (who supposedly talks to the lord almighty), himself, couldn’t possibly believe in a heavenly afterlife. If he did, and if there really was such an all powerful and vengeful god – the preacher would know that this unscrupulous behavior would condemn his unrepentant soul to an eternity of fire and brimstone.

If you, personally, want proof of this misleading minister; tune in next Sunday, send him a hundred bucks and ask him to ask the lord for something silly: like a donkey. Then set your ass down by the phone and wait.

The surprise is – I guarantee you’ll get a phone call! It’ll go something like this: “Hello, my dear friend … this a pre-recorded message from the man in white. He wants you to know that you are now being blessed, even as you listen. And because he truly loves you, he wants you to know; He’s got Jesus for sale – $19.95 on CD, $29.99 for DVD. And for a limited time, if you act now, you’ll receive an autographed T-shirt that reads: “Go to hell! I’m going to heaven!”

Speaking of: Where in the hell is heaven? For that matter, where in the name of heaven is hell? Up? Down? In? Out? You tell me, or better yet – let me tell you. As an uninformed youth I watched in horror as NASA shot their rockets through the clouds. “Holy smokes!” I was worried, that they might hit god by mistake! A dumb and foolish kid? No, dumb adults, who teach their children that heaven is in a cloud. (Scientific fact: clouds are suspended water molecules. Which can weigh thousands of tons!)

Hell, as everyone knows is: When you find yourself sitting on a toilet, staring at an empty toilet paper roll, while you’re a guest in someone’s house and bathroom smells like a shit bomb has just gone off! That’s ‘hell!’ It’s either that or war.
And just who do you think has started most of the wars? Dictators? Not really, they live and die like flies. If you guessed ‘religion,’ give yourself a gold star. Yes, the very ones who exult peace and purity are the first ones who’ll throw you to your knees and cut off your heretic head, then bless the remaining body parts! It’s no wonder that a lot of Natives, these days, are re-exploring their heritage and rediscovering their own Great Spirit.

Finally, the final solution, to all those idiots who want to rule the World through the fear of damnation. The solution to brain pollution is a simple thing: just unburden your minds by using them. Use your god given (just kidding) common sense! The theologians have been in charge for far too long.

They’ve repressed some of World’s greatest thinkers and branded them as heretics or worse. In some cases, the so called moral majority, has even put people to death for expressing their thoughts and theories. For example; The Earth is round and not flat. Women are equals and the big one … “God, is nothing more than a bogeyman, who’s used to scare the feeble-minded into submission!”

Science will one day be proven to be the actual savior of mankind. Take for instance stem-cell research. The road map to our genetic codes is right at our finger tips, but, the church is holding the scientists back. Cures for a multitude of illness’ and deformities is just over the horizon, yet scientists aren’t allowed to go there, because the prevailing theologians theorize that they’ll sail right off the edge!

If you think it’s just a matter of time before people come to the realization: “Hey, wait a minute, I can think for myself.” If you believe that the ‘dark ages’ are nearly over – you’re the one who’s in the dark. Never underestimate the power of stupid. The German people, who are World renowned engineers, are so clever they could make a watch out of gum wrappers and a compass. Yet, Hitler, turned them into blood thirsty savages with only a few promises of glory.

“The future is written in sand, easily changed by the winds and whims of man.” Let me look into the mystical flames of a campfire, like my native ancestors once did, and I’ll see if I too can predict the future!

I Foresee: The land will heal itself, if left alone. The Spirit of the North American Native will once again return. Somewhere, in some little corner of the World, a group of godless heathens will use their scientific knowledge to discover vital medicines (I can only hope they’ll be benevolent enough to share them). And religions will one day give up the ghost. These predictions are closer to a wish list, a dream and an educated guess, than they are a profound prophecy.

I know that most of you bible thumpers and Islam-ohlics out there will disagree with my hopes and dreams of peaceful Earth, but, please just realize that all I’m doing is warning you of the inevitable. So please don’t condemn these few paragraphs as ‘satanic verses’ and put a price on my head! You know god damned well, if you do, it’ll only make the people want to read them all the more. And that will only bring me more fame and more money …. hmm!

My name is B.H. Bates, you, you …. divinely dim-witted dodos!


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