Like most of you, I have never really pondered my own self worth. It’s a subject, I feel, that would only appeal to the lonely, the vain or someone who is contemplating their mortality.
In the name of truth; I’ll admit that I’m a little from each column.
Speaking of columns, the reason that you haven’t seen my wit in type is because I leave every summer and travel from town to town painting windows for different events.
On my journeys I spend a lot of time behind the wheel chasing an endless horizon. Between the drum of the music and the hum of the tires a person can get hypnotized – it gives a person’s mind time to wonder into uncharted scenarios.
Take for instance you’ve crossed paths with a rude dude who snapped at you for no good reason. Not only did he ruin that moment, your mind takes the rest of the day to ponder that jerks fate.
Some of you might imagine his head bursting into flames, while others might feel sorry for that rude, inconsiderate ugly person. Some people might even go as far as to punch him on the nose, while others just wish they could do it – to me, the worst thing of all, is thinking of a great retort – too late, and after the fact.
During my long drives and hotel stays, I get lonely. Other than me the TV and the four walls, the only thing to break the ice is my imagination.
Now, this is where we may, or may not vary. The reason for that statement is because I’m an artist, and I’ve been told that we, artsy folks, think differently, and I believe it to be true.
A relentless imagination can be both a blessing and a curse. It can help me think outside the box, and it can also create beautiful art out of life’s blood, sweat and tears. The down side is that I can feel alone in a room full of normal people.
This is where my vanity comes creeping in and asking the question: what is my own self worth, and how do I measure it? Is my value determined by what others think of me or is it what I think of others?
Do we have ‘stations’ in life? And who in the name of heaven or hell gets to determine that?
Will a day come when people stand over my grave and wail we will miss you or will they spill a stream of used beer on my epitaph?
I warned you that I think out of the box – maybe I should write you a happy ending.
I’m a big believer in Karma, what goes around comes around and you are what you eat – just kidding about that last one, but you get my drift.
One day I was feeling sorry for myself, thinking that my business is down but my bills go up. I’m a reasonable person, I don’t harm man nor beast and I’m productive not destructive, yet there are times when I just feel like throwing in the towel and saying what’s the use?
Later that day I attended an event and was greeted with open arms by friends, acquaintances and even a few of my readers. They all smiled and said the same thing: “Where have you been?”
That felt like a million bucks of self worth.
Please feel free to Email Bernie Bates at: firstname.lastname@example.org